Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It's Not That Simple

Today was a lot easier for me.

I did not cry once!
I teared up a few times...
but no actual crying!!

I know there are many different paths I could take here.
But really, they all stink.

For example I could fight Brandon for custody.
And do things to keep him out of her life.
I know that.
But I don't want to do that.
I don't want to put my child through that.
She deserves better that that.

There are SO many reasons why adoption is the right decision...
but I don't feel a need to share them right now.
Just please understand that Brandon isn't the only reason nor is he the main reason why I feel adoption is best.
That's all I really feel the need to say right now, on that subject.

I guess the hardest part is having family and friends tell you what you are doing is wrong.
It really doesn't make anything easier by having loved ones call you selfish.
It's like I'm reliving all those arguements with Brandon all over again..
because that's exactly what he called me.

Month 1-5: I was selfish for not getting an abortion
Month 6: I was selfish for not wanting a relationship with him
Month 7-now: I am selfish for having Brandon served with Intent to Parent papers, and for considering adoption

But the absolute worst part of this is having people use the exact same arguements that Brandon used when I told him I was considering adoption.

I had a hard enough time communicating with him as it is.
When my loved ones bring up those same arguements...
I just can't even respond.
It just feels like I'm talking in circles when that happens.

I know they just want the best for me and the baby, but when it comes down to it this is my decision, and not theirs.
It's not like this is easy for me.
In fact, it's the most difficult thing I have ever encountered.

But hey, if placing your baby for adoption was easy
everyone would do it.

This may be difficult,
but I know it's right.
And in the end, that's all that matters.


  1. You are so strong. Keep on going. Don't let them tell you you are being selfish, because HONESTLY- giving your baby up for adoption is the MOST SELFLESS thing you can do. Not getting an abortion and still being able to go through everything, you are one of the most selfless people I know. :) Keep being strong. I am here to talk if you need anything. gentrileeblog@gmail.com

  2. Hannah, you're amazing! I don't even think I could do what you're going to do. I hope everything is going well. I love you tons! Love, Natalie (:

  3. Hannah - I know you posted this 6 months ago, but I just stumbled on your blog and have been reading it for the last couple hours and have been crying my eyes out. You are amazing!! I can't believe anyone would call you selfish. It breaks my heart to even think they would say that to you. You are an incredibly courageous person and no one can make judgements, until they have been in your shoes and dealt with your pain. I love you and I hope you know how special you are.