It's Not That Simple

Today was a lot easier for me.

I did not cry once!
I teared up a few times...
but no actual crying!!



I know there are many different paths I could take here.
But really, they all stink.

For example I could fight Brandon for custody.
And do things to keep him out of her life.
I know that.
But I don't want to do that.
I don't want to put my child through that.
She deserves better that that.

There are SO many reasons why adoption is the right decision...
but I don't feel a need to share them right now.
Just please understand that Brandon isn't the only reason nor is he the main reason why I feel adoption is best.
That's all I really feel the need to say right now, on that subject.


I guess the hardest part is having family and friends tell you what you are doing is wrong.
It really doesn't make anything easier by having loved ones call you selfish.
It's like I'm reliving all those arguements with Brandon all over again..
because that's exactly what he called me.

Month 1-5: I was selfish for not getting an abortion
Month 6: I was selfish for not wanting a relationship with him
Month 7-now: I am selfish for having Brandon served with Intent to Parent papers, and for considering adoption


But the absolute worst part of this is having people use the exact same arguements that Brandon used when I told him I was considering adoption.

I had a hard enough time communicating with him as it is.
When my loved ones bring up those same arguements...
I just can't even respond.
It just feels like I'm talking in circles when that happens.

I know they just want the best for me and the baby, but when it comes down to it this is my decision, and not theirs.
It's not like this is easy for me.
In fact, it's the most difficult thing I have ever encountered.

But hey, if placing your baby for adoption was easy
everyone would do it.

This may be difficult,
but I know it's right.
And in the end, that's all that matters.