Birthday Wishes

Sorry it's taken so long to post, yet again! This past week has been CRAZY. So much has happened. Plus Sunday was my birthday :)
Alright! Let's break it down...

Friday (March 25th)
I went in for my usual meeting with Alecia, my counselor. I am so glad I went and started talking to her. It has made expressing myself so much easier and since I've started talking to her I have found that I'm not as depressed and things have just been easier. We talked about Brandon as usual, adoption, my feelings, my family, my upcoming birthday aaand the boy I am infatuated with, Kyle Miller :)

{BACKGROUND STORY!}
Now, me and Kyle have known each other since 8th grade. We went to Junior High together and even kinda sorta dated. And my dated I mean held hands and kissed on the cheek. Haha, we were both such dorks! But alas, he moved to California and we broke up. We still remained great friends and have always been close. When I told him I was pregnant he was so supportive and wonderful, I am forever grateful for him. Soon after that, Kyle came down for Thanksgiving with his family that still lives here. While he was here we decided we must spend time together. The moment I saw him my heart started racing and I was so incredibly happy to have him home. I knew I still had feelings for him but I mean, come on. We haven't seen each other in about 4 years and I am pregnant with another mans child. So the evening went rather alright, we just hung out with some old friends, drove around town (yes, Kyle drove my bug haha), and ended the night by going to a hill out in like, Lehi and just looking out over the city. It was cold, and so Kyle gave me his jacket and put his arm around me. It was pretty much perfect. He looked at me for a while and I could feel my heart pounding. He then kissed me on the forehead and I couldn't even breathe. We talked a little about what was going on with the baby, and Brandon, and after an awkward silence Kyle told me he was going to be there for me throughout it all and kissed me. On the lips! Seriously, most perfect first kiss, EVER. Since then we have texted, facebook chatted, and had Skype dates continuously. I adore him and I know he sincerely cares about me and the baby and wants what is best for both of us. Seriously, how great is he?

Okay, back to Friday. After chatting with Alecia I went home and just relaxed on the couch. Pregnancy is exhausting, let me tell ya! Not 30 minutes after I had got home, I got a phone call from Kyle. I was a tad bit in shock, since I have never received a phone call from him before. He asked what I was going to be doing that evening and asked if I wanted to possibly have a Skype date. I was so excited! Recently we have both been extremely busy and hadn't talked much. For the rest of the day he texted me sweet messages and for some reason, I was getting an odd vibe that something was going on. Now, we had talked and joked a little about coming down to visit as my birthday present but he had work and I know money has been tight for him. I couldn't help but think and hope that he was being sneaky and was just going to show up outside my door. But, I didn't want to get my hopes up so I just focused on the upcoming Skype Date. But Kyle was being really weird and texting me things like "What do you want to do tonight?" and "Where should we go?" UHM! Stop messing with me, cuteface! He was driving me crazy. Finally, at 9 PM that night I got him to tell me that he was about to get on a plane and come to AZ for my birthday present! *Squee!*

I was so over joyed! Waiting those two hours for him to show up at my house was the most antagonizing thing I have ever had to experience. I swear, I almost died. I was THAT excited. When he finally called and said he was outside I was so nervous and excited I thought I was going to throw up. I forced myself to walk instead of run up to him and hugged him. I never wanted to let go. I still wish I hadn't let go. The rest of the night was spent driving around and saying hello to friends that Kyle hadn't talked to in a while and just being together. Saying goodnight was the hardest part and I wish we didn't have to go to separate homes for the night!

Saturday (March 26th)
I had a difficult time sleeping and woke up with a smile on my face and immediately started cleaning house. Kyle called and asked if I wanted to possibly go to lunch, but I already had plans with my mother to go birthday shopping for new clothes since I am starting to have a hard time fitting this baby bump into some on my shirts. Shopping with my mom was great, I love spending time with her and just talking. Being pregnant has helped me become closer to her. She has become one of my best friends and I honestly do not know what I would do without her. The evening was spent hanging out with old Jr High friends and Kyle. I didn't want to be away from him at all. Clingy, right? hahha I felt so weird but didn't care. All I wanted was to spend as much time with Kyle before he left as possible.

Sunday (March 27th)
Happy Birthday to me! For birthdays my family likes to do a special dinner of the birthee's choosing. I chose Steak and Salmon and Baked Potatoes with Green Beans, Texas Rolls, and Cesar Salad. Soooo amazing, even though it was too filling for my squished stomach and I could only have less than 6 ounces of the Salmon since pregnant ladies can't have a lot of fish for fear of mercury and it's effect on the baby. But still, dinner was awesome. After dinner my mother and I started baking chocolate cakes and making chocolate pudding. My birthday desert was my mother's Death By Chocolate/Better Than Sex Cake and homemade Caramel Popcorn. I know, it's weird I made my own cake right? But I love being in the kitchen! I also made most of dinner..haha not a very relaxing Birthday but I had fun!
Family from my mother's and father's sides showed up for a shindig and we partied for a few hours. I love my extended family. Everyone is so great! Plus, I am pretty sure I am the favorite niece and cousin on both sides so that helps too haha.

After all the extended family left I had a few friends come over. Jessica and her hubby RJ stopped by, as well as my 3 amigos Jared, Brandt and Randall. And then Kyle showed up too! I texted more people to come by, but my dang phone didn't send the text to some! Darn you, phone. But it was still great to spend time with the guys, Jess, and then after they left Kyle. We played the giant old school arcade games in my backyard for a bit and then just sat and talked while my puppy Bentley ran around the backyard. Kyle put his hand on my stomach and even felt her move around and kick! She has been very active since Friday and Kyle thought it was so cool to watch and feel her move.

Monday (March 28th)
After my classes I wanted to go get lunch with Kyle since it was his last day in AZ. Unfortunately, that didn't end up happening because I had my glucose test at my Ob's office that day and I couldn't eat an hour before I drank the glucose drink, after I drank it, and had to have my blood drawn exactly one hour after drinking it. My day was just a set schedule and it was busy! My doctor's appointment went well and I have gained 3 more pounds this month. I won't know the results of the blood test or the other tests until the next appointment in April.
After the doctor's my mother and I filled out all the adoption paper work which consisted of a medical questionnaire, a form asking about the birthfather, another form asking why I was choosing adoption and then another form with some questions about my family (interests, hobbies, hair color, medical inquiry, etc). It was fun for us to fill out some of the questions about my siblings and parents.
Kyle ended up coming by at about 11 PM that night to say good bye. I was so sad that he was leaving, but so thankful to have been able to see him and spend time with him. He just held me and we talked for a while. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye. It was painful to walk up the stair to my house and watch him drive away... But I know I will see him again soon and that everything will work out how it is supposed to.

Tuesday (March 29th)
After more classes I went to see Sharon at LDS Social Services. I gave her my paper work, talked to her about seeing Kyle (she was so excited he came down to visit!), and talked about taking the next step, which is serving Brandon with Intent to Parent papers and contacting adoptive couples. I am so nervous about Brandon getting the papers...but it's really all I can do at this point since he won't even hear about signing the waiver. I expressed these fears to Sharon and she is going to talk to him I guess..I really hope he isn't rude to her.
After leaving Sharon's office I came home and saw my final birthday present waiting for me on my front porch. It was the Maternity Body Pillow my mother ordered from Target! Oh my gosh, this thing is amazing. I cuddle with it constantly now.
The rest of the evening was spent with my BFFL (Best Friend For Life), Jessica Painter. We got wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, Blizzards from DQ and then came back to my house and watched Sweet Home Alabama. Hooray Chick Flicks and ice cream!

Wednesday (March 30th)
Today has been great so far. I just got home from my Abnormal Psychology class that I love. Before class started some of the girls asked me about the pregnancy and how it was going. I told them a little about Brandon when they asked, and even spoke a little about adoption. I'm glad it has gotten easier to talk about, and I thank Alecia for that.
After an awesome class (we had a guest speaker named Alex who spoke to us about living with Schizophrenia, he was great!), I got a text from my cousin Kaylee asking if she could ask me a few questions about being pregnant for an essay she has to write for her English class. Of course I was more than okay with this.

She asked me how being pregnant had changed my life for better or worse...that kind of caught me off guard. I mean, this pregnancy has been pretty easy for me and I am very lucky to have such an amazing support system. But, my life has changed. I used to go out almost every night and hang out with friends and do whatever. Since I got pregnant I have been a little bit more secluded and I enjoy being at home and relaxing. I think one reason why I like to stay home more is because I am ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I think every pregnant, single woman feels this way. I don't feel as ashamed as I used to, but the shame is still there. I feel people's eyes on me as I pass and I hear whispers and I know some of them are about me. Now, they could be saying positive things. I know that. But, I can't help but think that they are being negative and it hurts even though I may not know the people who are whispering. I'm not letting this get to me though. I refuse to let anyone put me down anymore.

Anyways, before I posted this I contacted a couple on the its about love website! I just told them I was considering adoption and that their profile was great and they both seemed like wonderful people. I am now waiting for a response and I am super excited!

Well, we will see how the rest of this week goes. Hopefully things with Brandon go smoothly.

Feelin' Good

Today I went and talked with Sharon, my case worker at LDS Social Services. I freaking love her. She is so kind, and genuine! I know she honestly cares about not only me and my well being, but the baby's too. She is wonderful. And so easy to talk too! I know I've always seemed like one of those individuals that can talk up a storm regardless of who is around..but honestly I am pretty shy when it comes to talking to new people. I know what all my friends are probably thinking right now,

"Hannah, shy? Quiet? You're kidding, right?"

I wish I was kidding! I've always had a difficult time talking to new people. I just would much rather sit back and smile than start or join a conversation sometimes. Weird, I know. But back to talking with Sharon...

We talked a little about the meeting with David and Brandon yesterday....*sigh* and I guess David was really concerned about how Brandon was treating me! I was worried about how Brandon was treating David! He was being so rude and hostile and just made me so uncomfortable and I seriously just wanted to get up and leave. But I didn't. But David was concerned and talked to Sharon a bit about it and then Sharon talked to me. I mean, I didn't really notice any rude behavior towards me, but maybe that's just because I'm pretty much used to it. Which isn't good, obviously.

After talking and crying a little about the meeting with David we talked about filing paperwork. Since Brandon wouldn't even hear about signing the waiver (which says he won't stop me from placing the baby with an adoptive family) Sharon suggested I file the Intent to Parent papers. This scares me a lot. He files these with the courts and adoption is thrown out unless the paternity test shows that Brandon isn't the father {If only!}. Luckily, if he doesn't file in 30 days he no longer has a say in anything! So that's good! But, I'm afraid of losing adoption as an option. But Brandon keeps saying he won't fight me, and I really just need the stability that this paper work would bring...but I'm still worried! Pray that he doesn't freak out at getting served!

After talking about Brandon and all the negative feelings about serving him, Sharon asked me if I had looked at any of the adoptive couples on the It's About Love website. I told her I had, and she asked how that went. I was so happy talking about the couples I had looked at! Sharon was excited too, since some of the couples I had liked were her assigned families and she had known them for years. {I think the little one is excited too, she's moving a lot as I am typing about this! haha} I cannot wait to be able to meet with some of these couples and get to know them. But, I have to serve Brandon with those papers first! I think this is what really helped me decide to go through with serving him, knowing that I would be able to talk to adoptive couples sooner or start buying stuff to be able to provide for her myself. No more being stuck in limbo! That's all I want.

The meeting with Sharon was over-all a positive one and I'm starting to fill out adoptive paper work since there is so dang much of it! Fo'rizzle. There are a few pages of medical papers, a questionnaire about myself and some other things too. It's a lot to do and even if adoption ends up not being the way we go,  it gets me a head start just in case!

**Attention Readers! This next statement may cause you to faint from astonishment!**

THERE WAS A SMALL BREAK THROUGH ON THE BRANDON FRONT!

 Brandon has made some effort to be open minded about adoption...he told me he wants to get together this weekend and look at adoptive couples! Woah! I know that this is a difficult thing for him, and fighting it just makes it that much worse. Unfortunately, this weekend doesn't work for me since it's my birthday and I plan on doing things with family and friends to make it awesome :) But Brandon understood when I told him that and we are planning on looking next week some time. I'm nervous and excited about this! Hopefully he isn't negative about anything. I am so sick and tired of negative emotions and being depressed.

Anywho, I am feeling good and excited to get things moving. Everything has been so difficult but I know it is all worth it. I may be frightened, but I am not letting that stop me! I have this precious child to be thinking about and I want the best for her and that means never giving up!

Well, that's what happened in the life of Hannah and baby today! Now it's time to empty my dang bladder that the little one likes to kick and make sitting veerrryyy uncomfortable. Haha, goodnight!

"500 LDS Girls Get Pregnant Every Year in Arizona...

....and only 75 come here and talk to us."-David from LDS Social Services

{thought this was interesting..David told me this last week while I was there and it just broke my heart. If you are pregnant and scared, go talk to LDS Social Services. They help everyone, regardless of religion. Pregnancy is difficult enough, but being alone or fighting with a boyfriend or family makes it even harder. I know. Please, go and talk with them, whether you are looking to parent, place for adoption, or just want to explore your option. They will help you anyway they can. I'm glad my parents finally dragged me there. I wish I had enough courage to call them myself, but sometimes it takes a little push in the right direction. I promise you won't regret talking to these loving people.}


Oh yikes. Another crazy, emotional weekend. Perfect way to end Spring Break, yes? (Said the liar)
Let's fill you in, blogging universe....

Friday Night
I was absolutely terrified to see Brandon. TERRIFIED. He walked into my house and I could barely look at him. He stood in the kitchen while I cleaned up the mess the kids left after dinner and waited for my mom to get out of the shower so I could say bye to her before she left for work. However, it was easy to see I was a wreck and while my mom was telling Brandon to keep me close to home that night I rushed to my room to fix my make up [blast you, extra hormones and making me cry all the time!!] My mom followed me and just hugged me while I cried. It was just so difficult to see Brandon, knowing that I would be alone with him somewhere that wasn't my home, and that we were going to talk about things I was having a hard time talking about with everyone...everything just felt so out of my control and I was a mess! My mom offered to send
Brandon away and just let me be, but I told her no because I knew that this night had to happen.
Instead of going out to dinner like he had hoped, Brandon and I went into my backyard and sat on the swing set and just talked for a few hours. It was really difficult and I cried at the beginning of the conversation, but only because it's still difficult to talk about adoption and I have a really hard time explaining it to Brandon. He has a come back for everything, it seems. And telling him how I feel so strongly about adoption doesn't seem to do much. But the evening ended on a good note and I felt a million times better. Brandon told me that even though he hates the idea, and wants to do everything he can to keep her, but he loves me and wants me to be happy. He even cried a little. I hurts me to know he is hurting, but I know that I am doing the right thing...and I am happy. For the first time in MONTHS, I am happy!!

Saturday
Cleaned house all day. I'm such the little house-wife-in-training. But cue the dark cloud aka Brandon...he texted me saying, "how is this adoption benefiting anyone here, but you?" Really, Brandon...really? How am I benefiting???! This decision is killing me. But I know it's the right thing to do and that this is going to benefit HER. Our daughter. It's going to hurt us, and is going to be so incredibly painful...but she will be thanking us. In the end, I am positive this is the right decision. But other than that message, we had a pleasant conversation and just chatted. Nothing could bring me down from the happy-high I finally was in after months of depression! I know it was nothing binding like paper, but for once I felt his word was good.

Sunday
Worked on my house-wife skillz. Cooked dinner with momma, and then baked chocolate chip, snicker doodle, and white chocolate chip cookies for the fam while we all played Uno! It was so relaxing and I was still on my happy-high :)

Monday
After a busy morning of classes, and then a dentist appointment I thought the day was going well! I talked a little with the girls at the dentists office about being pregnant and about what was going on with Senor Pantalones-Loco aka Brandon, and I felt so at peace about my decision to go with adoption! I know it's the right thing for my daughter and although I am heartbroken, I am happy! And everyone was so kind to me about everything and told me I was in their prayers. They were all so shocked that I am almost 7 months pregnant and still SO LITTLE!! I still am not really showing, at all. It's weird, but I know I am just going to pop one of these days..
{side note: I need to do an update with pictures for you guys..maybe tomorrow after dinner with my pals at Buffalo! hint hint Brittany and Katie look cute so we can take pictures to post on the interwebz with my little baby bump!}

I was nervous to see Brandon and to talk with Social Services, but I shoved aside my worries and did my best to keep on that happy-high from the weekend. Unfortunately, Brandon was hostile as usual and argued every little thing....it was really bad. I went in with an amazing attitude and then Brandon snapped and I just cried and had a hard time talking. One step forward, two steps back. Right? He just argued and argued and argued about how he doesn't understand why I just can't give this baby to him and his family. He kept saying that I could come around when I was ready and all I could do was cry. He did the switch again! Just when I thought the crazy had subsided, BOOM! In my face with this. Then after we had both left, he texted me and said he still won't fight me on adoption but this isn't going to be easy for him to do. I feel like I am dealing with two separate people! I don't know what I am going to do with him. He's so unstable. This is just another reason to add to the lists of why I don't want to date him, and why I will not let him parent this child if it comes down to it. He can stop adoption, but if he does he is going to have to fight me for every minute he gets with her. I refuse to be manipulated and for him to be in control.


Anyways, that was my weekend. I'm going back to Social Services tomorrow for my weekly meeting with my case manager Sharon. I adore her. She is so nice and wonderful! Just when I thought I was finally going to have stability in my life, the rug gets pulled out from under my feet yet again. Thank you all for your love and support. I can definitely say that the prayers are helping, so please keep them coming.

One Love!

Prayers, Please

I know I already posted earlier today but so much has happened since my post earlier. Brandon is drama drama dramaaaa.

Brandon cancelled his appointment with LDS Social Services tomorrow. He said there was many different reasons as to why he cancelled. But the first reason he gave me was "you cancelled on me so i cancelled the appointment" (in regards to us hanging out, which I still am not ready for) and the second was "I refuse to go talk to a counselor from your religion, and you have to be there." I'm really upset by all of this. He just went on and on. I think he's just trying to feel like he has some sort of control even though he really doesn't. He told me over and over again how much he loves me and wants to be with me. Every time he says the word "love" I just want to throw my phone at the wall and scream at him. This isn't love. I don't know what the heck this is, but it most definitely is not (nor ever will be) love.

Anyways, I finally was able to get him to reschedule for Monday with LDS Social Services. BUT, I have to be there and I have to hang out with him tomorrow night. Oh, and he has to drive tomorrow. *cough* Control freak. *cough* I have Chelsea on for tomorrow night and she's going to be in contact with me the entire time and will have my car keys at hand so she can come and get me if needed. Yes, I know, my best friend is wonderful. I'm so blessed to have her and other amazing people in my life who are here for me.

So, the point of this post:
Please please please pray for Brandon to be open minded and see why adoption is the right thing for this child.
Please pray that he will understand, and not fight me about this anymore.
Please pray that he will sign the waiver on Monday and all this fighting stops!
Please pray that I will be able to keep myself together tomorrow night and that everything goes smoothly.

I know I'm on the right path when it comes to adoption. But in order for this beautiful child to be placed into a loving, wonderful home with amazing parents Brandon must agree to it. I know it's not an easy choice to make, but the first step is to have an open heart and to realize that adoption is the right choice. It took me 25 weeks to be able to say that I felt adoption was the right thing and that I wanted to explore it further. 25 weeks. but unfortunately, I don't have that sort of time with Brandon.

I may not know you, and you may not know me...but every prayer helps. And I could really use the extra support right now.

Much love,
Hannah

The Last Few Weeks

So me and Brandon (aka Baby Daddy) have not been on the best of terms since we broke up. He dumped me a week or two before I knew I was pregnant and when I told him I was ya know, expecting, he told me he had a girlfriend, didn't care about me, and called me a selfish whore for not agreeing to get an abortion. So, since day one I have been preparing myself for either single parenting or adoption. I have looked extensively into both and I know what I want to do but Brandon is fighting me every step of the way... It's been really hard. Especially since he is so moody and changes his mind every single week about everything! Here, let us go back and look at how he changes EVERY WEEK....

Two weeks ago Brandon was calling me over and over (14 times total in one day) even though I wasn't answering and texted him saying "Hey, I'm kind of busy right now. Do you need something?" To which he replied, "I know when your doctors appointment is. Where is it. I'm going." Odd of him to say that, because my appointment was earlier that morning and I had already told him a few days prior that I wanted to go by myself since it was MY doctors appointment and it would only be like a 5 minute appointment anyways. He was completely livid and over reacting with all the phone calls so I go out to the front room to tell my mother what he is doing and then someone knocks on the door. Lo, and behold, who should be a-knocking upon my front door? Brandon. He came in completely confrontational and yelling at me and my parents about how horrible I am and how I'm a dirty, lying whore. Also, he's been threatening me with a lawyer forever but today it was "my lawyer" this and "my lawyer" that. I was terrified. Brandon was saying that he had every right to be at the doctors appointments and whatever else he wants since I'm pregnant with his child. Anyways, he was yelling at me and my parents. In my house. While my younger siblings were home. SERIOUSLY, KID?! If you are trying to make things work between us let me just give you a little hint...THIS IS NOT THAT CORRECT WAY TO DO SO. I couldn't even defend myself while he was over here. I was crying and shaking and it was horrible. Thankfully my parents were there and my dad did a very good job and getting Brandon to shut his mouth. But, on the bright side the rest of my week was considerably better. My life-long pal Jessica got married and as her Maid-Of-Honor I had a lot to keep me occupied and I was just so happy for Jessica that everything that was negative got shoved away! It was wonderful! But, the next week Brandon changed YET AGAIN...

Now on to last week. He texts me and says "I talked to people and I know there is nothing I can really do and that this is your decision." Yeah...this was random. And I didn't know what to even say. He's so up and down that I could only conclude that he wasn't serious and is just going to take it back in a week as he usually does. So my week was rather depressing and I had a break down on Friday and just cried in my room and talked with my mom about how I finally knew that adoption was the right thing to do in this situation and although this is really hard for me to say, I know that this baby isn't meant for me or for Brandon. It's getting easier to talk about and I haven't really cried since telling my mom all of this, but it still gets me a little teary but only because I'm worried about Brandon's reaction since I haven't told him yet...

Hooray, now into this week. He now texts me. Every. Single. Day. Whether I reply or not. Crazy, stalker much? Anyways, he told me this week that he loves me and misses me and wants us to be together and be a family and all that jazz. Be a family? Is he serious? And LOVE?? Come on now. Love isn't something that is conditional. "Oh you are pregnant with my child so that means that I love you and want to be with you and take care of you and the baby." No, doesn't work that way. Two weeks ago it was "I hate you." and "We are going to court." Oh heeeck no, fella. Now you love me? You never stopped loving me? I'm sure that "selfish whore" and curse words were just terms of endearment before, right? Of course, of course.

One good thing about this week so far? Brandon has promised to be open minded about adoption, as long as I give him a chance and I am open minded about having a family. I know what I want, and I just want him to understand that this isn't "giving her away forever". It's placing this baby with a mother and father who will love her, raise her, and give her the life she deserves. I had an amazing childhood filled with love and family and I want my child to have that too! And since I cannot provide that myself, I will do what needs to be done in order to give her that with another family. I have been talking with LDS Social Services and I am currently looking at different couples. My "homework" for this week is to find 3 possible couples on the itsaboutlove.org website. It's pretty difficult so far but that's only because the couple I was originally just in love with is no longer available. The adopted a baby today! Hooray! I am so happy for them but it still kinda sucks because they were just so perfect!

Brandon meets with LDS Social Services tomorrow at 1 and I am so worried he is going to do one of his mood switches and be totally horrible to them. Please pray for his heart to be softened and to take what they have to say to heart!!! I won't be there, since I am meeting with Alicia (the counselor I was supposed to meet last week) at the same time. Thankfully. I doubt that I would be much help with Brandon tomorrow.

Wish me luck, and please pray for Brandon to stop being so hard-headed and moody!

Just Another Day in the Life

Sorry I haven't been posting this week. Everything has just kind of hit me at once and today I'm feeling lower than low. It really stinks and I just called and called my appointment with my counselor my mom has asked me to go talk to. I should have probably went and talked to her about everything and how I am feeling today but honestly I am just overwhelmed and all I can do is lay in my bed and try not to think about anything. I'm pretty sure I can be classified as "depressed" now. I hate the way my life is going right now. I wish everything was different. I can't talk to my best friend about any of this, or even my mother. How am I supposed to talk to a friggin shrink about all of this? This is difficult for me to even type. I just want to disappear for a while, so I think that's what I'm going to do this spring break. Deactivate FaceBook, Tumblr, Twitter, stay off of Blogger and whatever other online social thing I'm a part of. Possibly even turn off my phone. I don't know. All I know is that I want this to all be over already.

Survey!

Just a little about the pregnancy. I'll do an update every now and then about weight gain and what not!

About You
Name?: Hannah
Age?: 19 (20 in 20 days!)
Height?: 5’5”
Pre-pregnancy weight?: 130ish

 About The Father
Name?: Let's call him "Baby Daddy"
Age?:  26
Height?:  like 6 foot somethin'. he's tall.
Are you still together?: That's a negative, ghost rider. He's kinda crazy.

About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes it is
When did you find out you were pregnant?: October 19, 2010
Was it planned?: Nope, it was not.
What was your first reaction?: I was excited, but super scared.
Who was with you when you found out?: The Best Friend C. Stew!
Who was the first person you told?: My cousin Britney
How did your parents react?: My mother cried, because she knew how hard this was going to be for me. I wasn't there when my dad found out.
How far along are you?: 25 weeks
What was your first symptom?: Besides missing the monthly crimson wave? Uh, probably nausea around 10 weeks or so
What is your due date?: June 20, 2011.
Do you know the sex of the baby?: Yes
If so, what is it?: Female.
Have you picked out names?: Yes and no...it's complicated. I promise I'll exlain later. Don't hate me!
If so, what are they?:  Brayelle Rose
How much weight have you gained?: I think I have gained about 6 or 7 pounds.
Do you have stretch marks?: Yes, but not on my belly where you think they would be! Darn you, big boobies.
Have you felt the baby move?: Yeah, she likes to move around quite a bit.
Have you heard the heartbeat?: Yes, I have. 


About the birth
Will you keep the baby?: I still haven't decided. There is a lot of details that need to be sorted out. Drama with the baby daddy for one, and then some other things.
Home or hospital birth?: Hospital, where my mom works :)
Natural or medicated birth?: UH, I'm a firm believer in modern medicine, thank you.
Who will be in the delivery room with you?: My mother and whichever of her friends are working that night, haha!
Will you breastfeed?: Yes. Formula costs an arm and a leg, and I need both of my arms and legs!
Do you think you’ll need a c-section?: Hopefully not!!
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?: I already cry daily and she's not even born yet.
What’s the first thing you might say to him/her?: I have no idea.
Would you let someone videotape the birth?: I don't think so.
Are you excited about the birth, or scared?: I haven't really thought about birth. I'm more focused on just getting through each day as they come.

Getting to Know You...

Yes, I finally gave in to the peer pressure of my dearest pal, Brittany, and created a real blog! I still think I will post more on my Tumblr account, but that's only because I am a very random individual who likes to post pictures of odd things :)

Anyways, here is just a little about myself so you readers know I am a real person and not some creepy computer or anything. (You never know! hahahaa)

1.) Born & raised in probably the most uninteresting little suburb in the world, but I love it here anyways. I want to see the world and live in places like San Francisco or Seattle, but I know I will always call this little patch of desert my home.
2.) Currently attending College and trying to get into the Dental Hygiene Program! I'm super excited about this, you have no idea. I've always had a thing for teeth and smiles, and making this into a career makes me super happy!
3.) I am a nerd. Plain and simple. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, you name it. I love it. If you look at my posts on tumblr, you will get a glimpse of my nerdyness.
[side note: want to know my favorite Christmas present this past year? Darth Vader PJ Shorts. No joke. Thank youu, little sister <3 !!]
4.) I LOVE: reading, playing the piano, singing, dancing like a fool, my friends, my family, my puppy dog, cooking, eating, random thoughts, all things Star Wars and Harry Potter [I know I previously stated my love of these two things, but I find that repetition tends to help people understand that I really, really do love these things], and movies [such as anything: Disney, Adam Sandler, Musicals, 70's-90's era...the list goes on and on. Basically, movies are awesome].
5.) Last but not least, (if you haven't figured out from my blog name) I'm pregnant! This is actually my way of "telling the world" since I haven't really told anyone outside of my family and a few friends! Pretty exciting (and unexpected), huh!?

It is for this reason that I decided to start a blog. I tried to start a journal about all of my pregnant adventures when I first found out I was expecting, but I am absolutely horrible about writing in a journal. So, I figured that since I am so Internet addicted it might be easier to write in a blog about everything than in an actual journal.

Okay, That's all for now. I'll try to post more tomorrow about all the juicy little details of life as a single, lds preggo mama since I know you are all so interested, haha! If there are any questions or anything you would really like to know just ask and I'll be sure to include the answer in a future post :)

Have a wonderful day, blogging world!