Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Birthday Wishes

Sorry it's taken so long to post, yet again! This past week has been CRAZY. So much has happened. Plus Sunday was my birthday :)
Alright! Let's break it down...

Friday (March 25th)
I went in for my usual meeting with Alecia, my counselor. I am so glad I went and started talking to her. It has made expressing myself so much easier and since I've started talking to her I have found that I'm not as depressed and things have just been easier. We talked about Brandon as usual, adoption, my feelings, my family, my upcoming birthday aaand the boy I am infatuated with, Kyle Miller :)

Now, me and Kyle have known each other since 8th grade. We went to Junior High together and even kinda sorta dated. And my dated I mean held hands and kissed on the cheek. Haha, we were both such dorks! But alas, he moved to California and we broke up. We still remained great friends and have always been close. When I told him I was pregnant he was so supportive and wonderful, I am forever grateful for him. Soon after that, Kyle came down for Thanksgiving with his family that still lives here. While he was here we decided we must spend time together. The moment I saw him my heart started racing and I was so incredibly happy to have him home. I knew I still had feelings for him but I mean, come on. We haven't seen each other in about 4 years and I am pregnant with another mans child. So the evening went rather alright, we just hung out with some old friends, drove around town (yes, Kyle drove my bug haha), and ended the night by going to a hill out in like, Lehi and just looking out over the city. It was cold, and so Kyle gave me his jacket and put his arm around me. It was pretty much perfect. He looked at me for a while and I could feel my heart pounding. He then kissed me on the forehead and I couldn't even breathe. We talked a little about what was going on with the baby, and Brandon, and after an awkward silence Kyle told me he was going to be there for me throughout it all and kissed me. On the lips! Seriously, most perfect first kiss, EVER. Since then we have texted, facebook chatted, and had Skype dates continuously. I adore him and I know he sincerely cares about me and the baby and wants what is best for both of us. Seriously, how great is he?

Okay, back to Friday. After chatting with Alecia I went home and just relaxed on the couch. Pregnancy is exhausting, let me tell ya! Not 30 minutes after I had got home, I got a phone call from Kyle. I was a tad bit in shock, since I have never received a phone call from him before. He asked what I was going to be doing that evening and asked if I wanted to possibly have a Skype date. I was so excited! Recently we have both been extremely busy and hadn't talked much. For the rest of the day he texted me sweet messages and for some reason, I was getting an odd vibe that something was going on. Now, we had talked and joked a little about coming down to visit as my birthday present but he had work and I know money has been tight for him. I couldn't help but think and hope that he was being sneaky and was just going to show up outside my door. But, I didn't want to get my hopes up so I just focused on the upcoming Skype Date. But Kyle was being really weird and texting me things like "What do you want to do tonight?" and "Where should we go?" UHM! Stop messing with me, cuteface! He was driving me crazy. Finally, at 9 PM that night I got him to tell me that he was about to get on a plane and come to AZ for my birthday present! *Squee!*

I was so over joyed! Waiting those two hours for him to show up at my house was the most antagonizing thing I have ever had to experience. I swear, I almost died. I was THAT excited. When he finally called and said he was outside I was so nervous and excited I thought I was going to throw up. I forced myself to walk instead of run up to him and hugged him. I never wanted to let go. I still wish I hadn't let go. The rest of the night was spent driving around and saying hello to friends that Kyle hadn't talked to in a while and just being together. Saying goodnight was the hardest part and I wish we didn't have to go to separate homes for the night!

Saturday (March 26th)
I had a difficult time sleeping and woke up with a smile on my face and immediately started cleaning house. Kyle called and asked if I wanted to possibly go to lunch, but I already had plans with my mother to go birthday shopping for new clothes since I am starting to have a hard time fitting this baby bump into some on my shirts. Shopping with my mom was great, I love spending time with her and just talking. Being pregnant has helped me become closer to her. She has become one of my best friends and I honestly do not know what I would do without her. The evening was spent hanging out with old Jr High friends and Kyle. I didn't want to be away from him at all. Clingy, right? hahha I felt so weird but didn't care. All I wanted was to spend as much time with Kyle before he left as possible.

Sunday (March 27th)
Happy Birthday to me! For birthdays my family likes to do a special dinner of the birthee's choosing. I chose Steak and Salmon and Baked Potatoes with Green Beans, Texas Rolls, and Cesar Salad. Soooo amazing, even though it was too filling for my squished stomach and I could only have less than 6 ounces of the Salmon since pregnant ladies can't have a lot of fish for fear of mercury and it's effect on the baby. But still, dinner was awesome. After dinner my mother and I started baking chocolate cakes and making chocolate pudding. My birthday desert was my mother's Death By Chocolate/Better Than Sex Cake and homemade Caramel Popcorn. I know, it's weird I made my own cake right? But I love being in the kitchen! I also made most of dinner..haha not a very relaxing Birthday but I had fun!
Family from my mother's and father's sides showed up for a shindig and we partied for a few hours. I love my extended family. Everyone is so great! Plus, I am pretty sure I am the favorite niece and cousin on both sides so that helps too haha.

After all the extended family left I had a few friends come over. Jessica and her hubby RJ stopped by, as well as my 3 amigos Jared, Brandt and Randall. And then Kyle showed up too! I texted more people to come by, but my dang phone didn't send the text to some! Darn you, phone. But it was still great to spend time with the guys, Jess, and then after they left Kyle. We played the giant old school arcade games in my backyard for a bit and then just sat and talked while my puppy Bentley ran around the backyard. Kyle put his hand on my stomach and even felt her move around and kick! She has been very active since Friday and Kyle thought it was so cool to watch and feel her move.

Monday (March 28th)
After my classes I wanted to go get lunch with Kyle since it was his last day in AZ. Unfortunately, that didn't end up happening because I had my glucose test at my Ob's office that day and I couldn't eat an hour before I drank the glucose drink, after I drank it, and had to have my blood drawn exactly one hour after drinking it. My day was just a set schedule and it was busy! My doctor's appointment went well and I have gained 3 more pounds this month. I won't know the results of the blood test or the other tests until the next appointment in April.
After the doctor's my mother and I filled out all the adoption paper work which consisted of a medical questionnaire, a form asking about the birthfather, another form asking why I was choosing adoption and then another form with some questions about my family (interests, hobbies, hair color, medical inquiry, etc). It was fun for us to fill out some of the questions about my siblings and parents.
Kyle ended up coming by at about 11 PM that night to say good bye. I was so sad that he was leaving, but so thankful to have been able to see him and spend time with him. He just held me and we talked for a while. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye. It was painful to walk up the stair to my house and watch him drive away... But I know I will see him again soon and that everything will work out how it is supposed to.

Tuesday (March 29th)
After more classes I went to see Sharon at LDS Social Services. I gave her my paper work, talked to her about seeing Kyle (she was so excited he came down to visit!), and talked about taking the next step, which is serving Brandon with Intent to Parent papers and contacting adoptive couples. I am so nervous about Brandon getting the papers...but it's really all I can do at this point since he won't even hear about signing the waiver. I expressed these fears to Sharon and she is going to talk to him I guess..I really hope he isn't rude to her.
After leaving Sharon's office I came home and saw my final birthday present waiting for me on my front porch. It was the Maternity Body Pillow my mother ordered from Target! Oh my gosh, this thing is amazing. I cuddle with it constantly now.
The rest of the evening was spent with my BFFL (Best Friend For Life), Jessica Painter. We got wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, Blizzards from DQ and then came back to my house and watched Sweet Home Alabama. Hooray Chick Flicks and ice cream!

Wednesday (March 30th)
Today has been great so far. I just got home from my Abnormal Psychology class that I love. Before class started some of the girls asked me about the pregnancy and how it was going. I told them a little about Brandon when they asked, and even spoke a little about adoption. I'm glad it has gotten easier to talk about, and I thank Alecia for that.
After an awesome class (we had a guest speaker named Alex who spoke to us about living with Schizophrenia, he was great!), I got a text from my cousin Kaylee asking if she could ask me a few questions about being pregnant for an essay she has to write for her English class. Of course I was more than okay with this.

She asked me how being pregnant had changed my life for better or worse...that kind of caught me off guard. I mean, this pregnancy has been pretty easy for me and I am very lucky to have such an amazing support system. But, my life has changed. I used to go out almost every night and hang out with friends and do whatever. Since I got pregnant I have been a little bit more secluded and I enjoy being at home and relaxing. I think one reason why I like to stay home more is because I am ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I think every pregnant, single woman feels this way. I don't feel as ashamed as I used to, but the shame is still there. I feel people's eyes on me as I pass and I hear whispers and I know some of them are about me. Now, they could be saying positive things. I know that. But, I can't help but think that they are being negative and it hurts even though I may not know the people who are whispering. I'm not letting this get to me though. I refuse to let anyone put me down anymore.

Anyways, before I posted this I contacted a couple on the its about love website! I just told them I was considering adoption and that their profile was great and they both seemed like wonderful people. I am now waiting for a response and I am super excited!

Well, we will see how the rest of this week goes. Hopefully things with Brandon go smoothly.

1 comment:

  1. it sounds like you had an AMAZING birthday!! i wish i could have come, stupid phone!! i love you though hannah, keep being strong!