Feelin' Good

Today I went and talked with Sharon, my case worker at LDS Social Services. I freaking love her. She is so kind, and genuine! I know she honestly cares about not only me and my well being, but the baby's too. She is wonderful. And so easy to talk too! I know I've always seemed like one of those individuals that can talk up a storm regardless of who is around..but honestly I am pretty shy when it comes to talking to new people. I know what all my friends are probably thinking right now,

"Hannah, shy? Quiet? You're kidding, right?"

I wish I was kidding! I've always had a difficult time talking to new people. I just would much rather sit back and smile than start or join a conversation sometimes. Weird, I know. But back to talking with Sharon...

We talked a little about the meeting with David and Brandon yesterday....*sigh* and I guess David was really concerned about how Brandon was treating me! I was worried about how Brandon was treating David! He was being so rude and hostile and just made me so uncomfortable and I seriously just wanted to get up and leave. But I didn't. But David was concerned and talked to Sharon a bit about it and then Sharon talked to me. I mean, I didn't really notice any rude behavior towards me, but maybe that's just because I'm pretty much used to it. Which isn't good, obviously.

After talking and crying a little about the meeting with David we talked about filing paperwork. Since Brandon wouldn't even hear about signing the waiver (which says he won't stop me from placing the baby with an adoptive family) Sharon suggested I file the Intent to Parent papers. This scares me a lot. He files these with the courts and adoption is thrown out unless the paternity test shows that Brandon isn't the father {If only!}. Luckily, if he doesn't file in 30 days he no longer has a say in anything! So that's good! But, I'm afraid of losing adoption as an option. But Brandon keeps saying he won't fight me, and I really just need the stability that this paper work would bring...but I'm still worried! Pray that he doesn't freak out at getting served!

After talking about Brandon and all the negative feelings about serving him, Sharon asked me if I had looked at any of the adoptive couples on the It's About Love website. I told her I had, and she asked how that went. I was so happy talking about the couples I had looked at! Sharon was excited too, since some of the couples I had liked were her assigned families and she had known them for years. {I think the little one is excited too, she's moving a lot as I am typing about this! haha} I cannot wait to be able to meet with some of these couples and get to know them. But, I have to serve Brandon with those papers first! I think this is what really helped me decide to go through with serving him, knowing that I would be able to talk to adoptive couples sooner or start buying stuff to be able to provide for her myself. No more being stuck in limbo! That's all I want.

The meeting with Sharon was over-all a positive one and I'm starting to fill out adoptive paper work since there is so dang much of it! Fo'rizzle. There are a few pages of medical papers, a questionnaire about myself and some other things too. It's a lot to do and even if adoption ends up not being the way we go,  it gets me a head start just in case!

**Attention Readers! This next statement may cause you to faint from astonishment!**

THERE WAS A SMALL BREAK THROUGH ON THE BRANDON FRONT!

 Brandon has made some effort to be open minded about adoption...he told me he wants to get together this weekend and look at adoptive couples! Woah! I know that this is a difficult thing for him, and fighting it just makes it that much worse. Unfortunately, this weekend doesn't work for me since it's my birthday and I plan on doing things with family and friends to make it awesome :) But Brandon understood when I told him that and we are planning on looking next week some time. I'm nervous and excited about this! Hopefully he isn't negative about anything. I am so sick and tired of negative emotions and being depressed.

Anywho, I am feeling good and excited to get things moving. Everything has been so difficult but I know it is all worth it. I may be frightened, but I am not letting that stop me! I have this precious child to be thinking about and I want the best for her and that means never giving up!

Well, that's what happened in the life of Hannah and baby today! Now it's time to empty my dang bladder that the little one likes to kick and make sitting veerrryyy uncomfortable. Haha, goodnight!