Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Sicky McSick Sick!

I'm not feeling to well this past week, so this post may be a little bit short. I never had bad morning sickness, but my allergies have always been super bad and my nose is always runny, and the excess drainage (boy, that sounds gross. sorry!) is not mixing well with my sensitive gag reflex. Thank the Lord that I have my nausea pills. They have saved me from certain death. That's why this last week has been tough though, I ran out of pills! So there was a three day gap where I was just sick all the time while I waited for my prescription. It stunk.

Now that I have filled you in on my gross vomiting issues, I shall tell you about the last few days!

As you know, on Wednesday I contacted a couple I really liked, and on Thursday they responded! It's kind of awkward because I don't know what to say, but we exchanged a few e-mails. I feel really good about it and cannot wait to possibly meet them.
Later that night Brandon texted me and told me he didn't have any feelings for me. Kay..cool. He repeated that about 4 times. It was rather annoying and I couldn't help but cry a little. Now, I didn't cry because he took back the "I love you"s, I cried because I am so sick and tired of his mood swings and personality changes. I could never have a relationship with this man because of how unstable he is. One week it's I hate you and the next it's I love you and the cycle continues. I'm already emotional enough with these extra hormones and as my due date gets closer I get more and more stressed and attached to my little girl. Ahh, I can't talk about this right now. Sorry guys. Too emotional haha

After my classes I went and talked to my counselor, Alecia. Talking with her has made everything a little easier for me. I hated being depressed and although I'm starting to get super emotional again I'm happy and thankful it's not the depression coming back around. The next few weeks are going to be tough and I'm glad I have her to go talk with on Fridays.

After a morning of watching Conference and cleaning and baking cinnamon rolls with my momma, Brandon came over and we looked at adoptive couples on the It's About Love website. He made it so awkward and difficult. He was rude, as usual, too. But whatever. He did pick 4 couples (including the one I like and contacted!) But there was one couple we looked at that I liked but when Brandon saw that they had gone to BYU he freaked and basically yelled NO. Uhm, calm down. He was also upset that the couples on the website were all LDS. Uhm, okay. I explained to him that I want her to be with an LDS couple because I want her raised in the church. Brandon, who is not religious at all, didn't agree. I then proceeded to tell him that even if she stayed with us and we raised her that she would be raised in the church and would be attending church. Again, he was upset. But whatever. He can go suck eggs. He is also trying to get me to spend time with him and his 2 yr old son. Not too thrilled about this. Everything is already difficult as it is.

Nothing to report for Sunday or Monday. Although, I did watch A Beautiful Mind on Monday and it was fascinating. I had to watch it for my Abnormal Psych class and write a small paper about it where I diagnosed the main character, John Nash. It was totally awesome. My mother watched it with me and we ate Krazy Sub :) Let me tell you, I loooove me some KSub and time with my momma bear.

I had another meeting with Sharon today and we set up a meeting with Brandon for next Monday to talk to him and explain what paper work will be coming his way. Since he refuses to sign any forms until DNA Testing is done and he is listed as the father, Sharon and I are hoping to catch him in a loop hole...but I won't post any details on that until that blessed day comes, haha. The rest of our meeting was spent talking about what happens next with adoption. I am hopefully meeting the couple I like in the next week or so. We also talked about how open I would possibly like the adoption to be, and what the hospital would be like. Ahh, here I go getting teary-eyed again. It's so hard to talk about. Daggum, extra hormones! Yer killin' me! Sharon was a little teary today as well, we both were. Gosh, I love her. I'm very glad I have her to help me through this.

Well, for fear of crying I must end this post. Sorry guys. Maybe I can come back and post more later when the hormones calm down. Today has just been too much!

1 comment:

  1. Hannah Baby,
    You are one amazingly strong individual. I am so proud of you and so excited you are staying close to the Lord. He is truly blessing you and he will continue to bless you. Keep that head up. You are doing great! Love you girl! Thanks for your posts. I have to say even when it seems things are going not so good for you, you seem to always find the positive and continue on with a good attitude no matter how hard it is. You are such an incredible person. I love you tons!