Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Time sure has flown!!!

Tomorrow, Madden will be 8 weeks old. I haven't seen her sfor about 3 weeks now and after recieving a few pictures from Stacy I am pretty much in shock. SHE LOOKS SO INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT. Honestly, she doesn't look like the same baby. She's growing up way too fast for my liking.

So stinking CUTE.

her first smile caught on camera!

Anyways, this last week I spent relaxing up at Lake Powell with my family. It was a lot of fun. I LOVE being at the lake. We invited The Couple to come with us, but this trip was completely last minute, and they couldn't make it sadly. But I still had an amazing time, even though there was a few dust storms, my tent nearly flooded, and then my sister and I nearly died at the motel we stayed at the last two nights.

Seriously, that motel was CREEPY. The decor for our room?
You think I'm joking...


We got home yesterday afternoon and although I love the lake I was super excited to be home. Mostly because Kyle is back in town!!
I drove out to Kyle’s Grandma’s and picked him up and I must say that it was the BEST REUNION EVER. I got out of the car as he was walking up and he just kinda stopped mid-step, then I ran the rest of the way and picked he me up. I couldn’t breathe at all when I first saw him, it felt like my heart had stopped. I think he stood there holding me for a good 5 minutes. BOY, have I missed this kid.

For those of you who don't know, Kyle is one of my dearest friends and has been there for me throughout my entire pregnancy and the adoption. Every step of the way he was there to let me cry, rant, and just be a crazy hormonal lady. I am so grateful for him. If you're reading this, Kyle (which I know sometimes you do!), you will never know how much you mean to me.

So after our little reunion Kyle came with me to get my tragus re-pierced (which hurt SO much more the second time…what the heck man), and then drove with me to take my good friend Trevor home, then went to the drive-ins with the BFF and I! We saw the Hangover 2 FO’ FREEEEEE. No, we didn’t sneak in. The ATM wasn't working at all so the manager just let us in for free. Awesome? I think yes.

It wasn’t much, or even what we had planned. At all. Haha, but it feels nice to be out and to hang out with Kyle. I don’t get to see him all that often since he lives so far away. It’s nice to have him around. He is so genuine and sweet. I just adore him. But I can’t help but have this part of me that is so guarded and afraid. I feel so ridiculous, but I really can’t be hurt again. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it after everything that has happened these last 10 months…

Driving home after saying goodnight to Kyle “What Hurts The Most” by The Rascal Flatts came on and I nearly started bawling. Thinking about how different my life could have been…it just hurts. I cared about Brandon SO incredibly much, and to be honest I sort of still do. However, I know that he is not right for me and everything he has said and done thus far to me just reassures me how wrong for each other we are. But isn’t that how it goes? That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…I fell so completely hard and then crashed head first into the ground.

I have had some pretty rough heartbreak this past year, and I know that it’s going to take a lot to finally over come these trust issues that have formed. I just hope I’m strong enough to bring down these walls and let myself really love someone and let them love me…

1 comment:

  1. This isn't advise or anything, but how I see falling in love is trusting right? Trusting to jump but how you know you found the right one is that when you jump they catch you. It'll happen one day, just don't forget to jump.