Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Adoption Day, June 18th

I woke up, and did my best to make myself presentable.
I did my hair for the first time in weeks, and put on make up.
Thank goodness for water proof mascara.

I quickly helped clean house and make food.
Everyone was coming over to my house to sign the adoption papers and have a sort of testimony meeting.
My mother was stressed beyond belief and I helped as best I could.
It's just kinda difficult since I had just given birth 3 days ago.
I was still pretty exhausted.

Around 11 people started showing up.
The Couple, and little Madden were first.
Followed by Stacy's parents, Justin's parents, My Aunt and Uncle, and finally my Caseworker and The Couple's rep from LDS Social Services.

Everyone was seated in the front room, and I was taken to the table to sign away my rights.
I was asked if there was any where private we could go to sign the papers since the front room was filled with people conversing and laughing...doing their best to give me my privacy.
But I didn't want to be anywhere else.
I wanted to be in that room, hearing the love for that little girl and being able to see Stacy holding her.
My mom sat next to me, and Sharon explained what every piece of paper was before I signed it.

The first sheet was placed in front of me, and explained.
This was the sheet that gave up all parental rights to Madden.
My Madden.
I sat there, and just stared at that sheet of paper and the pen in my hand.
I cried and cried for what felt like ages, but it was probably only a minute or two.
Finally, with tears in my eyes I signed my name.

More papers were given to me and I signed them as they came.
Finally, the paper work was done.

My mother held my hand and Sharon told me how amazing I was.
Tears kept streaming down my face.

Next was The Couple's paperwork.
Stacy handed Madden to me, and hugged me tightly.

I walked into the Kitchen and held this perfect little girl who had been mine up until a few moments ago.
I held her and tears just streamed down my face and onto Madden's blanket.
I kissed her face repeatedly and told her how much I love her.
Having her in my arms, I felt such love for this little girl and such love for Justin and Stacy.
I knew I was doing something good.
It hurt, but it was good.
The tears stopped, and The Couple finished signing their papers.

We all went back into the living room and sat down in a sort of make-shift circle.
Sharon opened the "meeting" and told me how proud she was of me for making this tough decision.
She said many things, but all I can really remember is looking down at the beautiful little perfect angel in my arms and how full my heart was.
Everyone in the room said something.
I teared up a little when it got to my parents, and even more so when it finally got to Justin and Stacy.
Justin talked about their journey to adoption, and first meeting me. He said the first moment they met me, the he knew I was going to be their birthmother. Their profile had been on the adoption website for TWO MONTHS when I had contacted them..that just astonished me.
Stacy made me cry even more. My love for her is very strong. She is such an amazing woman.
She was super emotional like me, and she said some amazing things.
There was just so much love in that room.

It got quiet, and I finally looked up and said,
"I feel like everyone is waiting for me to say something..."
There was laughter, and I was encouraged to say something.
I talked a little about Brandon..and how he looked at couples with me. I told everyone how excited I was that he chose a couple I liked and that this was before I even made contact with them. I felt such a connection with two people that I didn't even know...
I told them how I looked forward to their e-mails and text messages during those few months, and how difficult it was for me to finally ask them to parent my little girl.
I'm pretty sure that every face in that room was wet with tears by the time I had finished speaking.
But I could only see Justin and Stacy and the darling little girl in my hands.

I then did something I hadn't done since I was little...
I asked for a blessing.
In fact, I asked Justin for a blessing.
He was a little shocked, but gave me a beautiful blessing.
I wish It had been written down or something so I could treasure it forever.

Family cleared out, and The Couple stayed for a while with Madden.
It was nice to just relax and hang out with them.
The Couple gave me another bag of goodies.
This one included a necklace
"M" for Madden, and her birthstone a Pearl

and a gift card to Dolce Salon!
It also had a letter from Stacy, which I will always treasure.
There was also two sweet little notes from Justin's parents, and Justin's sister.

My favorite part was the little photo album that The Couple had put some pictures of Madden in.
(I know constantly print out pictures to put in it, and carry it pretty much every where.)

Saying goodbye was difficult, but I knew it wouldn't be long until I saw them again!
They invited me over for Father's Day to hang out for a little :)

I watched them drive away, and there was so much love in my heart for them, and for that precious little girl in their back seat.

Later that night I got on FaceBook and went to The Couple's pages.
They had posted a picture of Madden and people were freaking out!
I was too. I was so overjoyed that I had helped this family.
I had essentially created a family.
Something I never thought I'd do for someone other than myself.
I made a family.

The Family (Justin was making a face at my sister hahahah)

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